I dislike weddings on principle. They are expensive and selfish and wasteful. When people say they are getting married, I think it’s good. Monogamy has social, economic, and emotional benefits. I’m married; I like it. But when people say they are having a wedding, I’m like “why would you DO that?”
Okay, so my middle little sister Emmi is getting married. Yay! And she is having a wedding. Blech! But I love my sister so I said I’d help. Plus she is sort of the anti-bridezilla because a. she loves that show and b. she hates being the center of attention. I think she’s mostly doing the wedding thing because eloping is too exciting for her. She’s not boring or anything; she’s just very low-key and anti-drama so anything that might step on people’s toes or whatever. I’m not sure I know what that feeling is like, but I respect and admire her for it.
So Emmi declared that we were making all of the deserts for the wedding. This was not surprising because anyone who is used to homemade desserts is likely to be picky about them. My freezer has started to fill with delicious desserts. I think I’ll share those with you!
The first delicious thing that is sitting in my freezer until the big day is PINK LEMONADE CAKE BALLS.
This cake is sweet and heavy. I always mess with recipes like this one because I hate using processed food in my baking. The original recipe calls for frozen lemonade concentrate, but I have real lemons and sugar on hand, so why would I go out of my way to thaw a tube of lemon juice and high fructose corn syrup? I just estimated the amount of sugar and juice.
Me making this cake was like if Rachel Ray was using one of Sandra Lee’s recipes. If you don’t know who Rachel Ray is, she’s controversial sometimes but mostly she cooks awesome food. Not much of baker but she is a natural in the kitchen, instinctively substituting ingredients and mixing up flavors and finding inspiration everywhere. If you don’t know who Sandra Lee is, good. You are better off not knowing.
For the purpose of context: Sandra Lee is to Martha Stewart as Celine Dion is to Barbara Streisand. A Canadian trollope who is too skinny to actually have eaten any of her own baking or cooking, Sandra Lee creates culinary abortions in her adorably coordinated kitchen. Touting the phrase “semi-homemade” like that is even a thing, she cuts corners and creates sad semblances of food out of prepackaged mixes and processed foodstuffs. Hey, I get it! You work forty hours a week, you have kids, you have Netflix, and you don’t want/have time to make it from scratch. Just don’t expect me to be impressed. Or to eat your Kwanzaa cake covered in corn nuts. Ew.
Okay so I made a delicious cake using logical substitutions from this recipe. I crumbled it up and added buttercream icing, lemon zest, lemon juice, and pink food coloring. The resulting mixture is then rolled into balls and coated in yellow coating candy.
Because this is for a wedding/I am a nut about food I make looking aesthetically pleasing, I added adorable straws! I cut up the straws into thirds and dipped each one into the candy, then I stabbed the cake and used the straw as a handle for dipping. The trick with this candy coating is to add some Crisco to the chocolate, thinning it out to a smooth enrobing solution.
Because the chocolate is thin, the bottom of the cake will peek through, so I settle each bon bon on an unmelted candy wafer.
Some pink sanding sugar finishes each ball.
It’s a small wedding and you are probably not invited. Ha ha.